Tuesday, July 30, 2013

July 30th, 2013

This blog was intended to be mostly about my personal style and my photogaphy, but it's kind of turned into a little diary. Which I suppose is alright in some circumstances, but I need to get my foot in the door eventually. Here are some looks from the recent past as posted on my Lookbook.

Monday, July 29, 2013

July 29th, 2013

I'm hoping that I can pull my head out of my ass and learn to actually talk to people in my classes this semester. Being without my close friends during last school year was stressful, but with 18 hours and paying back loans with 4 hours a week at work I have a feeling that I'm going to be as stressed as ever. I'm excited for my classes but I don't know if I can handle the class load. The most worrying thing is that this is the semester I have to decide my major, or get left behind everyone who will be doing sophomore review during the spring semester.
It's hard to talk with people about my future because I get a little depressed. Art History is amazing and I want to be a part of it's preservation but there is absolutely no way I'll be able to get a job until I get my doctorate.  Considering the fact that I'll be starting to take out aid this semester, I'll be in super debt by the time I get my doctorate meaning I will never be financially stable enough to do anything I want to do as a grown adult.
I've come to the depressing conclusion that I will be alone and poor for the rest of my life. Maybe that's exactly my fate, but it sucks either way.

Apologies for the long faced blog post.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

July 27th, 2013

I always realize I'm not wearing jewelry after I take pictures, or rather my brother takes pictures of me. He is a real trooper when it comes to this kind of stuff. I just hate lugging my tripod out to the middle of the street and getting weird looks. I'm feeling a little confident today, which is why I'm wearing these sky high Litas. Only time will tell if I actually wear them to work. I'm currently planning on it. I'm still feeling really relaxed this morning from my yoga session, and I'm hoping that it lasts through the entire fashion show and work day. I haven't mentioned the fashion show yet, have I? Fingers crossed I don't fall off the stage. 

Friday, July 26, 2013

July 26th, 2013 sidenote

Two posts in one day? WHAT?

I had a conversation yesterday that I've been thinking about for a long time and it's really been an interesting topic to my brain (Did that even make sense?) The topic is: Hair! As most of you know, I had long hair up until November of last year (2012, for those of you who can't count) Example below
I look like a gross hippie.
After a long, LONG debate with myself I finally decided to chop it all off. My hair is really fine and stringy, making it hard to manage or really do anything with. It was always messy and always everywhere. I hated it, I hated the way it looked and I hated the way it made me look. It was impossible for me to feel pretty with hair that was tangled and un-manageable. It was a big, ballsy step for me to cut it all off into a pixie after having it so long for, well, so long. 
I feel a lot more feminine with short hair, believe it or not. After I cut it all off I began to take some risks with the clothes I wore, bright prints, weird color combinations, skirts!. It brought out a side in me that I would have other wise never found if it wasn't for the cut. Under all that hair was a beautiful young woman. I don't see myself not having short hair for a long time. One: it's darling and I feel pretty, and two: my hair takes forever to grow. Who want's to experience that awkward grow out phase? I sure don't. 
I hope that if you are considering cutting off your hair that you will take this post into consideration. It is a huge step, and everyone has a length that their comfortable with. Believe it or not, I received a hair cut that I thought was too short! But hair grows, it's all reversible. Take baby steps if you're not sure. Being someone who has had many different hair styles, I knew I was ready for a big change. Please contact me if you have any concerns about this kind of transition.
While my hair is not as short as it was when I first got it cut, I enjoy it's crazy unpredictability, and I love my fire hydrant red color even though it has successfully stained everything I own. 
Thanks for reading.

July 26th, 2013

The other day I had the pleasure of photographing one of my good friends Ashlynn. The photos of her are gorgeous and I had trouble finding images that would supplement her silhouette. I'm hoping to continue doing shoots like this during the school year since I will have access to actual studio lighting, instead of using my storm window as a back drop. A huge thanks to Ashlynn for letting me photograph her. They turned out wonderfully. Stay tuned for more photos as I continue to edit!

This one is definitely my favorite.

This particular image was actually done in camera, I just made it back and white in photoshop.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

July 24th, 2013

Having your own blog is nice because you can shamelessly promote your own work and no one can complain because no one reads your blog! Over the past year I have become absolutely obsessed with doing double exposures with manual and digital photography. While I have chosen to not scan any of my film images in (I have the shittiest scanner in the whole world) I can share with the internet my most recent double exposures, done in Photoshop, and other self portraits I've done. I'm hoping to start a series that is equal parts double exposure and silhouettes.

This is the same image as the above. I couldn't not include the original, it's just beautiful.

I quite enjoy taking intimate pictures of myself like this. I've been feeling kind of low lately, and this has really helped my self esteem. I hope you enjoy looking at them as much as I enjoyed taking and editing them.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

July 20th, 2013

I have trouble describing my style to people who don't really know me as a person, because it's an outward version of my personality. I do get some odd looks for the things I wear and I occasionally get teased by the people I help at work. One of my co-workers tells me that I belong in Seattle, not in Wichita, and that thought sounds more and more appealing each day. Even with all the things that are tying me to this state, sometimes I just want to get up and go.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

July 14th, 2013 (updated)

Sometimes I wish life was spelled out, that your destiny was foretold and anything that happened in between your birth and what your were meant to do was absolutely meaningless. I feel as though I've been punched in the gut, and all the air has vanished from my lungs, leaving me breathless and paralyzed with fear for for the next hit. My sadness is meaningless, of coarse. I will try to get up and dust myself off when the fight is over.

Here are some pictures from AFW (Anime Festival Wichita) 9 that I took this weekend.

I learned something about myself this weekend. That I have to push myself to be social because no one is going to do it for me. It paid off and I met some great new friends. I am hoping to learn from this experience and apply it to this coming school year.

After 3 days of convention goodness, I always start thinking about my next costume project. The next convention I'm planning on attending is Emerald City Steampunk Festival which is held in November. I plan on doing some elaborate dress, and some casual outfits for the other two days. AFW 10 is the big question. I'm leaning towards doing a gender swap Doctor Who, most likely 10 or 11. While I was looking up ideas for this gender swap I ran across this article on gender swap cosplay on Urban Outfitter's blog.While it is not very extensive, it makes my heart so happy to see that cosplay is permeating into the real world. I'll keep a log of my decision making regarding my steampunk costume and cosplays for AFW 10.

I tend to find a song that explains exactly how I'm feeling at that time and listen to it over and over again. This is that song:
Harder than Stone (acoustic) - City and Colour

Thursday, July 11, 2013

July 11th, 2013

I'm really starting to go back and forth about my whole future. A part of me thinks marriage is a forced tradition that makes people cling to each other for no other reason than tax exemptions and to avoid harsh looks from more traditional folks (only when children are factored in). From what I have observed over the years, marriage is a hit or miss concept. Some people should be married, some people belong together.

A part of me wants to be married, to have kids, to do the whole family thing. I follow several photographers who do many weddings and the photographs raise these thoughts in me over and over again. I'm not even twenty and I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because I haven't gotten married yet.

To be so in love with someone that you couldn't imagine spending another day without them in your life sounds like a dream to my girlish brain. Having someone who loves you just the same is also another girlish dream. My heart aches at the thought. 

It's a twisted thought process that has continued since I started at WSU last year and it's been bothering me a lot recently. 

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

July 9th, 2013

I'm up unusually early for being a teenager (if you count 19 as a teenager) in the summer. I don't stay up late like my brother does. It's just nice to be back on a regular sleeping schedule since I finished house-sitting this last weekend. While I love staying out late with friends, I like getting my "beauty sleep" (Haha).

Since I have my own blog, I can shamelessly promote the other things I do on the internet like post looks on Lookbook. Working at a clothing store gives me an up close and personal view of the way my peers are dressing themselves, some better than others. From the way I dress the majority of the time you would guess that I'm not from Kansas and most of the time I wish I wasn't. I wish I belonged to a bustling city on the east coast where it snowed more than an inch. 

It's probably a good thing that I'm not from a huge city. I already feel overwhelmed by the talent of my fellow Art & Design students at Wichita State. It's playing a part in my wanting to study art history, but I'm not sure if that's a positive thing or not. I love taking pictures and I love learning new techniques to express myself, but Art history is beyond fascinating to me. Once I get my degree I can curate the shows of the people who go through the studio art program. Bingo, job security. 

I am dying my hair back to bright red today, get excited.

Until next time.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

July 7th, 2013

In an effort to avoid my essay assignment and my eminent second failure of College Algebra, I've decided to start a blog that is purely about me. I have been consistently told by someone whom I respect very highly to do what makes me, well... me. A month or so ago, I realized that posting my opinions or feelings publicly is generally a poor decision, but having an outlet is necessary. I own several journal's and write in the constantly, but with a laptop as a constant companion, I feel it is best to pick up where I left off in the blogging world. It's been quite hard recently to stay inspired, especially since it's the summer in the Midwest and it's been hot and humid (Two things I hate more than anything in the whole world). Taking pictures is a no-no, I work way too much, and I'm ultimately too flake-y to keep any plans with anyone other than my boyfriend (Whom I see less than once a month P.S. That sucks). It's only a matter of time before school starts, 42 days according to my handy timer app, and I will have classes about old dead guys and art to push me to stay on top of things.

Currently, I am obsessed with Lana Del Ray's album Born To Die: Paradise addition. This album has been the sound track of my summer, and I know it's particularly late to be fawning over an album that's been out for more than a year.

Until next time.